I was in bad mood yesterday! Saying that I quarreled with God ~ is hypocrisy! Actually, I blamed God! I said: You are not righteous at all! You lie! You look at those people who did so much evil, but they didn't get their retribution! God answer me today! He probably knew that no matter how much He said yesterday, I wouldn't listen! I have a pretty bad temper!
Today God asked me: When did you see me? I said: childhood! Actually, I remember when I was about 10 years old, I saw a very bright place, a special light and shadow! I know He is God! But our family had been Buddhist since childhood. There were a lot of idols in our family. My mother worshiped everywhere when she had something to do, and I often followed my mother to worship everywhere! But I had no idea there was only one God! From childhood to adulthood, our family worshipped all gods, even cats and dogs! I've seen this light and shadow a few times and never cared! Later, some of my classmates became Christians, and before I knew it, they became my rejected friends! Because I think Christianity is a cult! I often felt that my classmates were evil! I also didn't understand why: my classmates who became Christians feel worse? They did more evil by becoming Christians, they lied even more, and I don't like to associate with liars! So, I have no way to meet Christians!
Later, I applied for a student visa to study in the United States. I applied for 3 schools. In fact, I didn’t want to come to study at all, but my application for a tourist visa was rejected twice, so I had to apply for a student visa! I just wanted to come to America to travel and see! God gave me a tough school I wouldn't go to - St. John's University! I picked 3 colleges in New York at random because I came to play, not to study! As a result, St. John's issued an I-20 for me, so, I came to the United States! But New York is really where God wanted me to go! He has done so many amazing things! I rejected God until 2011! So, God has been working in my life for decades! I met a fellow Christian at St. John’s who took me to church for the first time!
I know my personality! The more God forces me, the more I will leave God! God asked me: If you don't become a Christian, and I judge you, it's right? .....this leaves me speechless! Although I didn't become a Christian, I did a lot of evil things, but I don't think those things are wrong! A lot of times...I still feel like I'm better than Christians! And God has endured me again and again, and I have repeatedly rejected God. I know that He chose me since I was a child, because I was not afraid of any evil people, and even more evil spirits. My friends often think that I am outrageous, because I am that kind of people wrong is wrong, and right is right! I will not surrender!
When God said this to me in the morning, I was really ashamed! Because, when I'm not a Christian~ I often think that my right is right and my faults is right! After becoming a Christian, I often felt that the Bible was nonsense. Later, after I kept studying the Truth of the Bible, I realized that what is written in the Bible is "Truth"! My right or wrong does not mean God's right or wrong! I am right or wrong, not entirely right! Only "Truth" is completely correct! If God judges people without giving them a chance to repent, He is truly unrighteous! I am a sinner...thank the Lord! He is willing to contain and use me when I am a sinner! Jesus said: He came to call sinners, not the righteous!
